Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
Luck is a part of my destiny,
like love is a part of yours.

Don't you see the pattens repeating,
like that rhythmical beating
in your chest up and down?

Lets  go round and round
and stomp the ground
of this hollow Earth,
and in ideas give birth,
to something truly new.
Ideals partaken by few.

We can kiss this violence good bye,
and with our spirit wings take flight
into the night and dream away
All the pain of these horrid day.

Don't you see the patterns now?
The who, what, when, and how?
Spinning lies within our lives
and stirring truths
and bloody knives.
There were once days
when we were free
in those days
we were who we'd be.

That patten fades both up and down
I with luck will in solace frown,
While you with love,
In life drown.

Don't you see the patters?
They dictate all we do.
An excellent piece, with powerful emotive imagery, that leaves the reader truly touched.
The use of changing structure, with a rhyming thread weaved throughout the poem give a unique pattern of words, and altered the flow, making it an entertaining read.
The use of repetition of the phrase "do you see the patterns?" weaves another thread, a concept tying the piece together from start to finish, yet not repeating so many times as to make the piece samey.
The piece has a wonderful theme, and it's executed brilliantly; *KoG-Jakall has crafted a real gem, that will leave a powerful impact on all those who have the pleasure of reading it.
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
2 out of 2 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

Please sign up or login to post a critique.

No comments have been added yet.

Add a Comment:

:iconkog-jakall: More from KoG-Jakall

More from DeviantArt


Submitted on
January 10, 2013
File Size
1.0 KB


2 (who?)


Creative Commons License
Some rights reserved. This work is licensed under a
Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-No Derivative Works 3.0 License.